Playoff Beards

by Steve

The New York Islanders of Long Island will be visiting Buffalo starting Thursday to kick off a best of 7 playoff match up against the Sabres. Without Dipietro in goal and facing the Presidents Trophy winners, the task seems nearly impossible. However, the Islanders are 3-0 against the Sabres franchise in playoff series. Also, as of late, the Islanders, with Peca or Satan or Zhitnik and now with old pal Ted Nolan, the Islanders seem to hold their own against their other New York State rivals. This series may not be the cake walk many Sabres fans are dreaming it may be. Didn't the best team of the regular season, the Detroit Red Wings, lose in the first round last year? Ryan Smyth is on the Islanders this year, an ex oiler who spoiled Detroit fan's dreams of grandeur, along with Nolan; and with their playoff experience anything possible. But instead of worrying about being dropped in the first round, the real question around Buffalo is... the Playoff Beard.

What is a playoff beard, when do you shave it off, what happens if you can't really grow a beard? For die hards, the playoff beard lasts the entirety of the playoffs. For others it is until the first loss in the playoffs. But what about those poor suckers that can't even grow facial hair, or just have an ugly looking spotty beard that looks like a mixture of a chin strap and glued on pubic hair? Those people need to concentrate on their strengths just like the players. If you can at least grow a mustache, we'll take it. If the hair only grows under your chiny chin chin then let that shit grow like a cheeta pet.

Another question is, what is the equivalent of a playoff beard for women? Is it letting your arm pit hair grow, or letting loose and forgetting the micro dermibration for a few weeks. The problem with these scenarios and or letting the leg hair grow is, it is extremely unattractive, probably more so than a dude's beard. Eh, on second thought fuck 'em they probably weren't Sabres fans or hockey fans when they were bad. (For those select few that actual were, let the bush grow, every muff diver could use some floss)

The final question when reluctant to grow the playoff beard is, what are the alternatives to the facial hair? Guys have hair everywhere, eye brow, nose, ear, eye lash, and for our drug using friends, the tongue. The best alternative seems to be letting the pubes get nice and bushy but that too can be a nuisance, so I say let everything else go. I mean how long of a life span does arm hair have, at least until the 'bres drop a game eventually.

So if you're still on the fence as to whether you should go beard or not, think about the alternatives, and if you're still stuck... Get drunk and let your friends decide. Until then, stop showering altogether and get the real feel for the lock room after a hockey game.