Ranking Bills Coaching Candidates

By Steve

2017 and yet another coaching search. The fuckin Bill Murray feeling is palpable. Is there a more tired, useless, pointless semi-annual search in sports? Does it matter who the coach is? Havent the Bills tried everything at this point? 17 years?

Yet again here is what Im looking for in a coach. Doesnt have to be offensive or defensive. Doesnt have to have specific schemes. How about just a smart fuckin guy that will think and speak intelligently and isnt married to any idea or scheme and will throw the freaking ball??? A guy that knows the odds, the score, can count to 11 and hires some Madden wiz for game days?

Here is a pathetic list of coaching candidates for the 2017 Buffalo Bills ranked:

1. Kyle Shanahan
Probably a pipe dream since he hasnt been linked to the Bills at this point but he did just orchestrate a fabulous offense in Atlanta albeit we have no Matty ice. Last name may be part of the reason he even has a job though.

2. Anthony Lynn
Did anyone besides Rooney Rule lawyers know who this dude was before week 3 this year? His major plus might be that he would keep tiny Tyrod Taylor. He gave that now famous caveat that the offense they were running wasnt his offense. Oh and continuity. I like the idea he might be linked to a proven DC also (Gus B.). Continuity! (Oh and if/when he fails this season they could then just flush the entire fuckin thing for 2018).

3. Sean McDermott

For some unknown reason I like this dude. Hes a defensive coach and has had a lot of talent to work with but he's young and.. been to a Super Bowl?

4. Frank Reich
Ugh. Anyone with any previous ties to this organization are almost automatically disqualified but this pathetic organization and sad list of candidates puts Frank quite high unfortunately. Were his offenses in San Diego or Philly ever even good?  Yikes.

5. Harold Goodwin
This guy could sit on my lap and Id have no clue who he was but he did chuck the ball all over the field as the OC in Arizona. Is Bruce Ariens a good coach? Maybe?

6. Kris Richard
Id say no Seattle assistant has done anything but Quinn is balling in Atlanta. Again, tons of talent but no fall off after Bradley left. No clue who he is though.

7. Teryl Austin
Perpetual Rooney Rule dude in a disfunctional franchise with no record of success on either side of the ball. Wait what are his qualifications again?

8. Vance Joseph
The Dolphins DC? Someone kill me.

9. Keith Butler
Id much rather have this dudes counter part on offense than the Steelers average defensive coordinator. I dont even think I ever heard this guys name. True Haley was a collasal failure but maybe he learned something?

Josh McDaniels
Fuck this guy.

Tom Coughlin
This guy ia wayyyyy to old. Get some soup old man.