Friday, August 2, 2019

Why Your Team Sucks, the Bills Breakdown

By Steve

A yearly tradition like none other. The annual Deadspin Your Team Sucks Buffalo Bills blog by Drew Magary. Here is the breakdown, with, of course, a picture I submitted if a guy sitting in front of puke being consoled by a security guy:

The most hurtful Buffalo jab:
"Watching the Bills every year is like bearing witness to an isolated tribe living in the Aleutian island chain, where kids trek to school in snowshoes and their parents swill paint thinner while carving tally marks into a nearby wooden plank with a bowie knife to count down the days until it’s time to reconvene with the Lord. The Bills are a portrait of despair. I don’t even like thinking about them. I was in coma for two weeks last winter and the nicest thing about it was that I never once thought of the Bills. Now I’m alive again and just the IDEA of the Bills still existing makes me yearn to be eaten by a frost bear and sent back into the great blackness, where all is quiet and Cole Beasley doesn’t exist"

Damn dude, ouch.

The most truthful quip:
"Fans will set dildos on fire in celebration if Josh Allen rises to the skill level of a lesser McCown brother."

At this point if Joshy Poo breaks 55% completion fanboys will erect a statue.

Things I even forgot happened:
"Tyrel Dodson has been charged with punching his girlfriend in the face when she had the nerve to tell him he was too drunk to go out to a restaurant. "

I googled this dude 3 times to verify he was actually in the team.

Best theme throughout:
"Fuck Sean McDermott’s phony, psalm-spewing, flag-humping, troop-sniffing, Ron Howard-looking ass. All of his ginger mean mugs and aggressive clapping do not impress Bill Belichick."
Making fun of McDermott is easy and not done nearly enough by our own.

Oddest part:
The email from the chicken finger sub guy. Really, you cant get chicken finger subs in most cities?

Best reader submition (besides mine):
From Travis "I literally couldn’t think of a single thing I hated or liked about this team. I almost forgot they even played last year. Wait... did they?"

Another, another great read.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

2019 Bills Camp Preview: Top 5 Questionmarks

By Steve

With players reporting this week we continue with our training camp preview. Here is part 1 continuity and positivity. And now the top 5 questions heading in to St John Fisher

1. Will Lesean McCoy make the team?
The running back room is filled to the brim. From dudes that are old enough to be my dad (Frank Gore) to decent free agents (TJ Yeldon) to rookies (Devin Singletary) and everyone else (Murphy, Wade, Perry) [not to mention the beloved fullback]. McCoy was horrid last year. Hes old, usually banged up, overpaid and some how still the Bills only star. I have an open mind with McCoy. I like him but this is a zero sum game. He either looks like he belongs in camp or he wont be on the roster in September.
I'd guess he stays and has a decent bounce back year.

2. Does Tyree Jackson make the team?
The Bills have 3 quarterbacks on the roster. Allen the obvious starter and Matt Barkley the able backup. After yet another early retirement (thankfully and mercifully Derek Anderson called it a career [again]) this only leaves local product Jackson as the 3rd stringer. He was uneven (to be kind) his final year at UB and went undrafted for a reason. He needs mucho coaching before he could ever see an NFL field. He has the raw skills but will he be worth keeping on the roster?
No, practice squad it will be.

3. Will Robert Foster get playing time in John Brown's shadow?

Is it just me or are Robert Foster and John Brown the same player? Brown at 5'11 178 is a bit smaller than the 6'2 196 Foster but both are outside burns and unlikely to make a name for themselves over the middle. Moreover, with $11.7 million gauranteed Brown isn't going any where. Will Foster force his way onto the field and build on a promising 2018?
I have little faith in Brown but McDerr is going to giving him every opportunity to keep Foster at bay.

4. Who the hell is the starting tight end?
Tyler Kroft is hurt as per usual, Lee Smith got paid to block for some reason and I had to google Croom's first name. The two rookies Knox and Sweeney will have steep learning curves and thats about it. Dawson better be awesome in Rochester or I'm going to be watch Iowa highlights hoping for UDFA Nate Becker to produce a miracle.

5. Ed Oliver?
The likelihood of a defensive tackle making a huge difference on a team is rare. Kyle Williams was pretty good but always overrated because he was a white 5th rounder 14 years ago. The run defense was never that good with him and he only pressued the QB spuratically. Oliver was a consensus top 10 pick for a reason.
He will probably be a very good player for a long time but my expectations for year one are low.

Monday, July 22, 2019

2019 Buffalo Bills Training Camp Preview: Continuity

By Steve

Football is back! Kinda. Sorta. Alright, training camp is back. Wait, the Bills are returning the the same coach, GM, quarterback AND offensive coordinator? Has that happened since the mid 90s?

Whether you like Seany McDermott, Brandon Beane, Brian Daboll and Joshy poo Allen or not it is undeniable that the stability at all those spots has to be a positive right? Maybe continuity is overrated if you have a great QB or coach (cough cheatriots) but when you dont have hall of famers the continuity has to be more of a plus than a minus.

Allen cant afford to take a step back or learn a completely new offense, especially with his clear and obvious deficiencies. So keeping Daboll makes sense for Allen's progression even if the offense was beyond abysmal last year.

The long term success of this coach, team and franchise rests squarely on Joshy poo's shoulder so if he doesn't improve then none of these dudes have a chance. But, did McDerr at least contemplate a change at O.C.? Doubtful.

Surprisingly, I cant find much to be overly negative about regarding the teams offseason. The draft wasnt horrible, free agency had some positives to it and nothing horrible went wrong. No arrests, freak injuries or embarrassing stories have been reported. For this franchise thats about as good as it gets.

Am I predicting the playoffs and a serious run at the division and (gulp) actual success? Not a chance, at least not yet.

More training camp preview to come.

Monday, May 20, 2019

Buffalo Bills Lines for the Entire 2019 Season

By Steve

Here are the Buffalo Bills lines for the entire 2019 NFL season per CG Technology:

Week 1
Bills +3.5 @ NY Jets

Week 2
Bills +3 @ NY Giants

Week 3
Bills -4 v Bengals

Week 4
Bills +6.5 v Patriots

Week 5
Bills +5 @ Titans

Week 6
Bye

Week 7
Bills -3.5 v Dolphins

Week 8
Bills +3 v Eagles

Week 9
Bills -3.5 v Redskins

Week 10
Bills +7 @ Browns

Week 11
Bills +2.5 @ Dolphins

Week 12
Bills -3 v Broncos

Week 13 thanksgiving
Bills +7.5 @ Cowboys

Week 14
Bills +1 v Ravens

Week 15
Bills +7 @ Steelers

Week 16
Bills +13 @ Patriots

Week 17
Bills -2.5 v Jets

The Bills are favored in 5 games next season and none on the road. The most they are favored by is 4 and the biggest dawg is at NE getting 13 points.
Ouch

Sabres Hire Soccer Coach: Meh

By Steve

The last two coaching hires seem like they could work and so it goes. It doesnt seem like anyone is laughing that the Buffalo Sabres hired a 59 year old guy that was running a soccer team in Europe the last several years. At least he coached in the league before (5 years ago in a truncated lockout season in Edmonton).

Who cares. Coaches in the NHL barely make a difference and this franchise is a disaster or worse. Id rather they hired Lon Krueger than Ralph but oh well.

Monday, April 29, 2019

Grading the Buffalo Bills 2019 Draft

By Steve

Another year and another draft where Brandon Beane is confused. Dont get me wrong, the Bills had a solid enough draft but with enough troubling things popping up through out the 3 day NFL Draft I still wonder about his competence.

Sure Ed Oliver fell to the Bills and is likely going to be a solid player. But how much of a difference is a defensive tackle going to make? At best he may one day be as good as Kyle Williams and thus thats a push. Still a solid pick though.

In the second round the Bills traded up two spots using a 5th round pick to draft tackle/guard Cody Ford. If this guy is a starter he is probably worth the extra pick they used but did Beane HAVE to have this specific guy two picks earlier?

Here is where things got very puzzling and questionable at best and concerning at worst. Just a few short weeks ago didnt Brandon Beane try to trade for a top 5 wide receiver? And sign two runningbacks? What changed where one day the Billa NEED  a top flight receiver but now they dont need any weapons?

The Bills draft a 5'7 RB with six catches last year? Devin Singletary might be a decent player but is this guy really going to be a big time contributor on offense? Sure its not likely anyone in the 3rd round would be but what is the max upside of this dude? Wouldnt a WR be a better option?

Then after this odd pick the Bills use teo fourth round picks to again trade up but atleast this time its for a potential weapon in tight end Dawson Knox. Sure he wasnt really used much in college and the Bills yet again traded up but at least this guy could turn into something.

No picks in the fourth. In the fifth sixth and seventh rounds the Bills went linebacker safety linebacker. Oh, no offense? Sweet.

Overall, the Bills likely got two and maybe three starters and thats about it. They only took 8 players despite starting the draft with 10 picks, got none for next year and took zero WRs.

Grade:
C+

Friday, April 26, 2019

Bills Draft Dawson Knox TE 3rd Round

By Steve

The Bills finally draft a position of need but of course confusingly, confoundingly, idioticslly trade up for the 2nd time today to draft former walk on Tight End Dawson Knox late in the third round.

He had no TD catches last year for Ole Miss but had the intangibles. They gave away both 4th round picks to take him.

Grade C+