By Steve
What. The. Fuck?
Bills trade No. 1:
Watkins & 2018 6th rd to Rams for E.J. Gaines, 2018 2nd rd pick
No. 2
Darby to Eagles for Matthews, 2018 3rd
Uhhhhh? Wha?
I guess the Bills are loading up for 2018 draft.
The Darby trade seems like a steal but the Wakins trade makes no sense. EJ Gaines is basically a nobody former 6th round pick who just got his ass kicked in a fight earlier thia week.
Jordan Matthews is good but not great and will be a free agent after the season. Hmmmm
By steve.
Here it is, christmas in August!
Deadspin's annual why your team sucks Buffalo Bills
Some highlights:
We arent good enough to be on Earth we just orbit it "The GM was finally canned AFTER free agency and the draft (juh?), and celebrated by doing what everyone does on that barren frost moon"
McDermott is gonna make us long for the days of the Ryan boiz: "Something tells me that this man has just the right combination of stoicism and humorlessness to make you remember the Ryan years more fondly than you ought to. "
As we all know, we are racist: "Tyrod Taylor, who struggles to break 200 yards passing a game and yet is somehow the best QB this team has had in 987 years. If this guy’s last name had been FLUTIE, you assholes would have sold out his jersey a year and a half ago."
Our owner sucks: "Now that we’re long past Terry Pegula rescuing you from Ralph Wilson’s tomb (Chris Berman will be buried with him!), I think we can all finally admit that the new owner is just as clueless and shitty as the last owner."
And the best line the early 90s Bills were a myth: "The Bills I know are a funeral dirge. They are a seafaring expedition party that crashed on an ice floe and have been forced to subsist for decades on seal blood and melted snow."
Down right mean: "As long as I live, these poor bastards and their inbred fans will serve as fresh kibble for New England. Meanwhile, Tom Brady will shoot himself up with beet juice and play until he’s 106. You people are ruined."
Best email: "The most exciting season of my adult life heavily featured Kyle Orton."
Second best: "I begin every December seeing the 6-6 Bills at the bottom of the “IN THE HUNT” graphics and have repeatedly watched week 15 Ravens-Bengals games to root for the tie that’ll keep Buffalo’s 1% chance of making a wild card spot alive."
All in all as good as can be expected. Now i meed to go drink an 18 before checking into AA. YIKESSSSSS
By Steve
After a week at St John Fisher lets see what HOT TAEKS we have about the 2017 Buffalo Bills
Sean "Dougy" McDermott is a psychopath. He wakes up too early, sounds like a cliche machine and might "love" football a bit too much. Hes a mix of Jauron and Marrone with a little Levy sprinkled on top.
Marcell Dareus is still a fat turd.
At least hes not suspended yet but he did grt hurt. Bad hammy! Then again he doesnt need to practice any way. Lets hope he plays more than 8 games.
Tiny Ty is tiny
Guy is such a lil cutie. From "reports" hes as shitty as ever. FUN
The other Va Tech QB is TURNING HEADS
Who doesnt love an athlete turned tightend. No joke here, 3rd string project TE Logan Thomas has been reppin dem hokies and sounds like he can catch.
Sam Watkins is alive.
Who knew? Wait why the fuck did they not pick up his 5th year option?
Shady is good.
Reggie Ragland is not.
Mike Tolbert is a LOCKER ROOM GUY.
You can never have enough fullbacks.
Seantrell Henderson is still on the team. Also hes still suspended.
I still cant pick Brandon Beane out of a line up.
Terry Pegula is still dodging questions
WGR550 stick sucks
Sal Cappaccio has a cold.
Dougy McDermott loves waking up in the morning.
Why do the Bills practice at the Ralph Friday?
9By Steve
Training camp season is upon us! Has there been a less interesting, less hyped, less anticipated Bills season ever? Is anyone excited for this season? Are there any expectations whatsoever? That might be a good thing..
Whaley is gone, dumb ass Rex is gone, fat Rob is gone yet Russ Brandon still survives like a fucking never ending plague of torcher with only disaster in his wake. Yikes.
But hey there is a new coach that TAKES NO NONSENSE and a new GM that references THE PROCESS. Oh yeah tiny Ty is still the starting quarterback and injury questions continue to swirl around Sam brittle Watkins. Neat
Could anyone pick Brandon Beane out of a line up? Was he hired because Russ liked his first name or because Sean "Dougy" McDermott trusts him? Which is a worse reason?
Why the hell am I predicting a 9-7 record? Hope breeds eternal.. misery?
Then again addition by subtraction is a thing right? The defense cant really be worse even if bitchface Gilmore is gone and his replacement is Tre'davious 27th overall im not White right? Gilly might have been hated by me yet he was sorta good but is only one player. Rex was such a disaster (Lorenzo Alexander not withstanding) that any replacement is a good thing. For Christ sake Rob Ryan was in charge of important shit last year!
Les Franzier is an upgrade, Rick Dennison is an upgrade over Anthony "remember I repaced Greg Roman in September" Lynn and the Bills still have Shady!
Oh yeah back to St John Fisher..
Not much up for grabs in regards to starting positions. Then again there are like 25 god damn fullbacks.. Also who will be the other starter at safety next Micah Hyde? WR2? WR3? Is there another tightend besides richboy #85?
Sounds like 9-7
By Steve
Everyone likes a good fued right? Especially when you hate both sides. And what else is twitter for other than petty fueds and weird beefs.
In the small market tiny world of Buffalo Sports Media there are basically two dogs. And theyre both asshats. The Buffalo News and WGR550. They hate each other, are seemingly polar opposites and always close to all out brawling. And only entertaining when going at each other.
And thats exactly what we got this morning with Jeremy White of WGR and Tim Graham of TBN. Fun!
Evidently White praised some interview barstool did with Jack Eichel saying theyre the best at interview. Graham (in his expected pompous self agrandizing way) ripped White for not doing the interview himself. He seemed to.be intimating that White was lazy and WGR is too pussy to do good interviews. And sensitive whiney White took exception.
Buffalo has acquired Jason Pominville, Marco Scandella and a 4th (2018) from Minnesota for Tyler Ennis, Marcus Foligno and a 3rd (2018).
Marco scandella has 3 years left on his contract $4 mil cap hit.
Pominville has 2 years left $5.6 mil hit
Tyler Ennis has 2 years left $4.6 mil hit
Foligno is an RFA but made $2.25 in 2016
Pominville had 21 goals and 51 points.
Dumping two bums for two actual hockey players seems like a good trade. The Sabres added a bunch of salary but nothing too long term. Ennis is done, getting rid of him seems like a minor miracle.
For that I like it but for the most part this seems like a nothing trade. This defenseman seems to be at best a second pairing guy. And just a guy. It seems like the Sabres knew they had no chance at Shattenkirk so decided to make a move to get rid of a bum for someone from their hey day that can still score.
A good trade but nothing to get erect about.
By Steve
Here is the video if you havent seen it yet:
For the non tweeters https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/877164161007894528
Its a "documentary" Bar Stool Sports made to show off their old footage from the Ralph the last few years. Its only 9 minutes and mostly rehashes footage we've all seen. Its equally hilarious and dumb and usless at the same time.
There were some fun classics like the butt chug video, tables being smashed and burned and some actual knew but highly pathetic footage delving deeper into dildogate.
They interviewed two dumbasses with idd sweatshirts on bragging about throwing the dildo AND their mother bragging about them bragging about throwing a dildo. This (presumed) sad lonely divorcee was about as sad and odd as it gets.
Why would she agree to be filmed for this internet only video seemingly made just to embarrass Bills fans and Buffalo? Aure its made in jest but what does she get out of this except scorn and ridicule? Funny I suppose but very weird. "My sons three a dildo at the game lulz" huh? Also now that everyone definitely knows who these bros are wont they get a life time ban or some other trouble?
That being said the video is worth about 9 minutes of your time, I hope Barstool comes back this season to film part 2 and that throwing a dildo vs New England becomes tradition akin to catfish and octopii
