by steve
The annual why your team sucks post from Drew Magary is out (sshhhh here is how u get past the paywall)
Here are some highlights:
well here is my email first
"The Bills went 10-6 have gotten outcoached in playoff games by Bologna Marrone and Bill O’Brien. The mafia wants to name streets after McDermott because he beats the Jets and Dolphins and doesn’t dream about licking feet."
If you’re a Bills fan, your entire life is a series of sliding doors. You endure that game and spend years and years after the fact thinking about every last if…
so true
double hurt on this one: "McDermott is both capable and sane, which means he can’t possibly tolerate staying in Buffalo for much longer. It’s like when some dipshit mid-major college coach wins a tourney game as a 14-seed. You know they’re leaving the second someone offers to quadruple their salary. So big congrats to McDermott on breaking his contract in January to sign with the Texans. It’s what God clearly intended."
oof: "Life here is nothing but awful streaks. I’m supposed to believe this man is poised to become Racist Mahomes. You know who had better stats than Josh Allen in every major category last season? Daniel Jones."
oof again: "Do you know how much you have to suck to blow a playoff game to Bill O’Brien? Bill O’Brien couldn’t hold onto a lead if he fucking keistered it. And yet this team pulled a Bill O’Brien against Bill O’Brien. No one ever learns anything up here. "
alright alright lay off us: "Even if you guys DO win the division, what awaits you? I’ll tell you what awaits you. A wild card loss. At home. To the Patriots. After blowing a 24-0 lead. You won’t learn a goddamn thing from it. It’ll be nothing but ifs until the day you die."
lol: "My wife and kids visited Buffalo on their way to Niagara Falls a year ago (they were bored), and my 11-year-old was so amused by the Buffalo accent that he STILL makes fun of it. “Yeah, I’m going in my CARR. To the BARR. It’s not very FARR.” He’s crossed the line from using it ironically to making it part of his daily vernacular, and for that I must now sell him. "
wreck esque "What might not suck: Take it from a Vikings fan: Diggs is incredible. He’ll tweet poorly veiled shade at Allen and demand a trade out of this shithole come Week 12. But before that happens? PURE ELECTRICITY."
a funny email not sent by me: "These owners gave the head coach an extension after he turned things around with a phenomenal 25–23 record, including one of the most embarrassing playoff collapses I’ve ever seen. These owners made their fortune because they just so happened to be involved in fracking in Pennsylvania in the ‘80s, and now they run their two shiny toys the same way — hoping to stumble on success by sheer accident."
cheap shots by matt here: "Upstate New York is full of men who spend thousands of dollars on season tickets to Bills games that they cannot remember due to chronic Labatt’s/Krupnik/Antifreeze poisoning and women who look like Rex Ryan without the dainty charm. The only difference between rural Alabama and the slice of New York between Buffalo and the Pennsylvania state line is that the people in Alabama root for a football team that’s actually won a championship."
this describes coast: "Josh Allen is more powerful than Bloody Mary; you just have to say his name once on Twitter to summon the worst people on Earth into your mentions. Over and over again. And if you aren’t 1000% sold on him, you’re not a true fan / in the ‘Bills mafia,’ a group of the dumbest chuds in Western New York."
The only thing Magary was way off on is the Andrew Cuomo bit. Buffalo didnt bote for the guy in nearly the numbers the rest of the state did and he doesnt know Buffalo is in NY half the time.
overall B+
No comments:
Post a Comment