The Bills Head Coach Search

by Steve

Well looky here, the Bills yet again need a new head coach.  I don't feel like getting into who won the dick-off between Pegula and Marrone (presumably because everyone lost assuming the Bills don't blow my mind away with their hire) so instead I'll just rattle off all the coaching candidates being reported and give you my highly sought after opinion:

(wait wait wait, so Whaley, after basically getting demoted if Polian were to have been hired is now the guy running the show WITH KIM RUSS AND OVERDORF?  My head is going to explode)

Jon Gruden
Oh, his name hasn't been reported? Fug.  He is the #1 option but he isn't an option presumably. Wait, what about $10 mil and control of the whole operation?  I have zero doubt Gruden would work and I have zero doubt that he will not be the head coach. Ouch


Mike Shanahan
The lobster is back?  Who is more desperate the Bills or red lobster himself?!!?  This ass hat failure spurned the Bills several years back when he chose the Redskins over the Bills and basically said he would never have wanted to coach here. This is a puzzler. I wouldn't hate it but I certainly wouldn't like it.


Adam Gase

Why do I feel like all Gase does in Denver is act as an assistant to Peyton Manning?  I imagine him following Manning around like a pet pooch or something.  I have no idea if this guy is qualified to be the head coach but he is only 37, has only been an offensive coordinator for 2 years with one of the best QBs of all time and weapons galore. Maybe he is the original thinker I desire but he certainly doesn't have enough experience that I would prefer.


Dan Quinn

The DC from Seattle, how difficult could it really be to coach that defense?  Moreover, it appears Gus Bradley (the guy who had his job 2 years ago and hired as head coach of the Jags) is a failure as a head coach.  He too is limited in his experience with only 2 years as an NFL defensive coordinator and before that was DC under loser Will Muschamp.  Since when does a defensive coach get hired in the NFL these days?  Anyone can coach up the Bills defense as currently constructed.  I'm not overly interested in this guy.


Darrell Bevell

While the same age as Quinn and from the same talent laden team I have much more interest in Bevell despite all the extra L's in his name.  He's been an OC nine years with Seattle and Minnesota.  Young, somewhat experienced, an offensive mind, he's got things going for him.  The problem is Seattle probably will be in the SB, thus the Bills wouldn't be able to hire him until February which is a problem.  This guy might be my leader in the club house.


Jim Schwartz

He was a wash out with the Lions because he is a hot head ass hole with a little too much hubris.  He does stabilize things immediately and would keep a sense of continuity if anyone is into that sort of thing.  Moreover, I think it would be easier to fire the guy in say 1-2 years if things flame out quickly.  It could be construed in a way where they would be clearing out all of Marrone's stink. (and yes I am already talking about firing him before he is hired which may say all you need to know, ouch).  I wouldn't hate the hire but it would be less than an inspired move by Terrance and co.


Frank Reich

Is this guy qualified to be a head coach?  If he didn't participate in one of the most famous (Bills) games in history I don't think any Buffalo fan would want this guy.  Reaching back for players/people from Buffalo's past is almost always a horrendous idea. Marv Levy?  Ted Nolan?  Isn't Reich a religious zealot? (then again that might play to a lot of the [phony] religious players in the NFL actually, so who knows)  He seems really green too with only 1 season as an offensive coordinator.  I don't like this idea at all.


Rex Ryan

I highly doubt this dude would come to Buffalo where it would seemingly be the exact same situation as the Jets just a slightly better team.  I could see Rexy wanting to be able to stick it to the Jets twice a year and he knows the division.  His offensive offensive acumen is a major concern but the guy can coach.  I just don't trust him to ever develop a quarterback based on the fact that he has never been able to develop a quarterback.


Other candidates

Pep Hamilton - Colts OC for two seasons.  Fills the Rooney rule but again doesn't seem to have a lot of experience.  Has he really elevated Luck's play?  Then again he is stuck with Trent Richardson, ouch.

Todd Bowles - Cardinals DC.  Might be my sleeper pick.  Remember he was the interim head coach for the Dolphins and won at the Ralph in 2011.  Has learned under a really good head coach in Bruce Arians.  Bowles isn't young but he isn't old and has enough experience in the league.  A bit of an outside the box hire.

Josh McDaniels - Bills missed an opportunity to interview him before the Patriots are eliminated from the playoffs so it seems unlikely he's still in the running.  He was awful in Denver which doesn't necessarily preclude him from being an option but I could coach Tom Brady under Belichick's watch.


Laughingly awful candidates mentioned:  Jack del Rio, Gary Kubiak, anyone ever associated with the Raiders (besides Gruden)


Where the hell are any and all college coaches even being mentioned, rumored, or suggested any where in this search??? I guess Whaley doesn't want to get spurned by another college coach?  Do the Bills just work off the same exact list as every other god damn team?  Does the NFL just pass out a list of former coaches they'd prefer teams hire?  This whole NFL-think (where no one can be original and everyone is in fear of doing something slightly embarrassing because it isn't the way the "NFL works") is so frustrating I hate ittttt.  Where is the original thought?!????